


i'm trying to be ultra mega happy

by cinnamorose



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overthinking, Rain, alexander is acting like an unlicensed therapy session, also alexander is a major character in this, im jumping into this feet first whole body, like when u vent to ur friends and they listen, more serious tags will show up l8r and in advance, naps in da sun lesgo, otoya also says fuck. like in the first chapter, otoya is allowed a good time. as a treat, otoya stays w qn for like a week asmr, season 4 but give it to cinnamo to make it worse lol, sorry otoya stans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26598871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnamorose/pseuds/cinnamorose
Summary: “Aijima, I swear—” He began, then quickly cut off seeing the form. First he’d seen how hard they flinched simply at his tone, at his irate expression, his freezing glare down to them before he saw who it was. Then, he saw just how drenched they were. Tanned hands rub over bare arms—bare?! He’s been out in this rain in short sleeves this entire time?!—roughly, pressing down hard, and every few seconds they shivered. They stayed staring towards the floor, trembling from the cold (and likely also fear), keeping him from seeing their face. But he didn’t need to see it to know who it was.
Relationships: Camus (Uta no Prince-sama) & Ittoki Otoya
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> season 4 episodes 9 and 10 were great episodes! loved em! what a great thing to give to me utapri! i will absolutely not do anything to the beloved fan favourite Otoya Ittoki to hurt him further after that entire debacle he already had with eiichi where i remove his sunny persona and cheerful happy-go-lucky mask and make it permanently damaged so hes doubting himself and how honest and how good of a person and friend he is! (:

_ Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam. _

Knocking. No, not knocking;  _ banging _ on the front door woke up the light sleeper. Grumbling, Camus threw off his blankets, getting to his feet. Outside, he heard the heavy thudding of the rain hitting the roof, the windows, the outside walls, everything. As he steps over Alexander —who also was awoken by the banging, it seems—he bitterly thinks to himself,  _ This person better have a good excuse for knocking so late. _ A single glance at his clock confirms his suspicions —it’s the absolute dead of the night, just minutes before midnight at this point.

Stepping out into the pitch black living room, he peered around. Hm, not even the insomniac duo or Mikaze are up at this time, it seems. The knocking starts up again.  _ Bam bam bam bam bam bam _ . Whoever is at the door seems hurried, rushing him. Far too impatient. Is it Aijima again, getting caught out in the rain? Grumbling, he storms his way over to the door, swinging it inward.

“Aijima, I swear —” He began, then quickly cut off seeing the form. First he’d seen how hard they flinched simply at his tone, at his irate expression, his freezing glare down to them before he saw who it was. Then, he saw just how  _ drenched _ they were. Tanned hands rub over bare arms—bare?! He’s been out in this rain in short sleeves this entire time?!—roughly, pressing down hard, and every few seconds they shivered. They stayed staring towards the floor, trembling from the cold (and likely also fear), keeping him from seeing their face. But he didn’t need to see it to know who it was.

“—… Ittoki?” He asks, his voice much quieter, much more gentle. “What on earth are you doing here? What happened?” He reaches out to touch the man, and he watches as he doesn’t just shy away. He  _ jerks _ away, hard enough to make him take a step back, whimpering again. He quickly retracts his hand, instead holding it turned upwards for him. An invitation, rather than an attempt.

It goes ignored though, and Otoya only hugs himself tighter. “… D… Didn’t…” He starts, sniffing roughly. His voice is miserable, tiny, weak, as though he’s barely holding back his tears. He’s so terrified, and for what? “I… Didn’t know where to go…”

“Where to…?” He begins, then he looks over him again. He’s not just ran from the house after something, he’s been out for a  _ while _ . Nearly his entire outfit is completely soaked to his skin, clinging to him tightly in pretty much every way save for dampened wrinkles. His hair laid near flat on his skull, weighed down by the rain he’s been in for… Who knows how long? Hours, that’s for sure. Suddenly, he sneezes hard, curling up on himself. He’s gotten himself sick, even…

Camus moves out of the way of the door, motioning for him to enter. “In, in,” he says, watching Otoya glance up at him with probably the most pained eyes he’s ever seen someone have in the longest time, a hint of thanks in them, and enter. “We need to get you changed. You’ll get even sicker staying in them any longer.”

“Sor… Sorry…” He whispers, slipping his shoes off as he enters and standing still as Camus shuts the door. Gently, Camus moves to take one of Otoya’s hand. For about the first time, he feels  _ warmer _ than someone. Miserable red eyes look up finally to meet his, and god he looks so  _ exhausted _ .

“You do not need to apologise, Ittoki,” he says, gently pulling him along to his own room. “Come. Get yourself whatever clothing necessary, and I’ll let you have my bed. You look as though you desperately need the sleep.” Saying those words look like they’re only stressing him further, watching the way he clutches himself harder, nails digging into his arms. Camus absently frets over him drawing blood, his eyes focused on the man at his side. His hand is tensed up in Camus’s and his short, rough nails scrape over his palm. “Is something the matter?”

“I-I… I’m k-kicking you… From… Your room…” He whispers, and he sounds like he’s seconds away from crying. Camus opens the door to his room for Otoya, but he doesn’t budge, trembling in place. “I’m… I’m s-sor-sorry…” He coughs, grabbing himself in a tight hug and scraping over both arms, leaving red marks in the wakes of his nails. His breath suddenly starts quickening as he cries, leaning against the doorframe. Camus rests a hand on his back, moving to pull the man in close, sitting with him carefully and holding his head to his chest.

“I-I— N-Nnghck—” He splutters, hiccuping. “I d-didn’t-didn’t mean t-t-to wake you, o-or steal your room, or b-be such a p-pain, or ha-hassle, or— Or— Or—” His words slur together, pouring from his mouth and eyes and nose and every single part of his face. “A-And I’m s-sorry I woke you, ‘cause you’re p-probably tired and— And— And— I took your time up, an-and you’ve got all the right to be fuck-king mad at me as m-much as— _ hic _ —as you want, a-and— And—” He can’t speak anymore, nearly spitting up all the words. Camus knows his shirt is disgusting by now, but he can handle it. His hands rub over the redhead’s back slowly and softly, trying to ease his crying.

Otoya sniffs and pulls away to wipe his face on his jacket, coughing hard. Camus feels his heart break as he gently pulls him in, putting his forehead to the other man’s.

“Hush now,” he speaks, and the redhead whimpers a little. “You’ve not been anything of the sort, I assure you that, Ittoki. Come, would you like me to stay with you tonight?” Alexander is making his way over, nudging his wet nose against Otoya’s warmed face.

“…Ye-Yes, please…” He sniffs, rubbing over his eyes. They’re red and puffy, shiny from the tears still. All of his face is pretty red, even. Camus rests his hands on his cheeks, and Otoya leans into the cool touch, sniffing. “So… Sor…”

Camus shakes his head, softly bumping their foreheads together. “No, no. Do not apologise, Ittoki,” he says, swaying with him slowly. Otoya whimpers, but he doesn’t argue. “There we are. Now, up, up.” Gently, he urges Otoya to his shaky feet, letting the man lean on him. He gently leads him into his room, sitting him down on his bed before turning to get him some clothes. “I’ll set these on the bed and get you a towel, alright?”

“… Promise you’ll come back?” He whispers. “I don’t… I don’t know if I’m safe to be alone…”

Camus’s heart twists at that and his eyes widen. Oh.  _ Oh. _ Though he’s uncertain if they’re the same words between both men, he’s familiar with the sense that Reiji uses the phrase, and he knows the two are close. “I promise,” he says. “Once I return, we’ll go to the bathroom and get you a proper warm bath.”

Otoya’s hands rub over his arms and he thinks to himself silently. “… O-Okay,” he mumbles. “Just… P-Please stay nearby.”

Camus nods, setting the clothes on the dresser. “Go ahead and get out of your wet clothes while I’m away.” With such, he’s out the door, going and getting the towel.

* * *

Otoya was out like a light about the second his head hit the pillow, dressed in a pir of Camus’s pyjamas that were just a smidge too large, but he obviously didn’t care. Almost at the same time, Camus’s phone began to buzz. Someone’s calling, hm?

Answering it, he spoke faintly. “Hello?”

“ _ Camus-san, thank god! _ ” A voice gasps, loud and relieved. “ _ Do you know where Otoya is? _ ” Ichinose. He’s sounding quite panicked…

“I do, why do you—”

“ _ Is he there with you?! _ ”

“Y… Yes, he’s asleep.” A pit of worry grows in his stomach. Does no one else know…?

“ _ Oh thank god, oh thank god… _ ” Tokiya let out a sigh of relief, alongside a light sob. “ _ He’s— He’s been missing ever since Syo got up this morning, none of us have known of his whereabouts until now. _ ” He takes a deep breath. “ _ Did he say why he came to you? _ ”

Camus’s hand slowly smooths over the sleeping man’s hair. “No,” he says. “He was soaked to the bone and crying, I didn't think of questioning him and overwhelming him further.”

“ _ It doesn't matter anyways, so long as he’s safe. _ ” Camus makes a face at that. Why ask in the first place, then? Well… Probably to try and understand more, actually. “ _ At— At any rate, can… Can you please keep an eye on him? Keep him safe? At least until he’s ready to come back home. _ ”

“Of course,” Camus says, cutting off with a yawn. With all that had been happening, he not once realised just how tired he was. “Of course, Ichinose.”

“ _ Thank you, so much. Ah, I should let you go to sleep now, _ ” he sighs. “ _ Goodnight, Camus-san. Sleep well _ .”

“To you as well, Ichinose,” he replies, hearing the call end before setting his phone down. Sliding back under the covers, he turns to face Otoya.

… Completely gone. He’s sleeping so deeply he doubts even the end of the world could wake him. Alexander hops up, curling in the tiny space between their legs, and rests his head on Otoya’s thigh, yawning widely and licking over his nose. Camus smiles and hums, sitting up just to give the borzoi a pet before laying down as well.

As he drifts, he absently believes he feels someone or something nuzzling up to his chest. But, that's probably just his tired imagination.


	2. Chapter 2

For some reason, his pillows are weird today. One is a lot firmer, and the other is a lot softer. They also smell… It’s hard to pinpoint it. It’s mostly really flowery and clean, kinda the way Masato just smells clean. But, with more flowers. 

The biggest new thing is that they smell  _ super _ sweet, though, and he feels his mind drag its way over to a vanilla cake. A really, really big, really sweet, really fancy looking slice of a vanilla cake. In his half awake state, he mumbles quietly. “Sweeeet…” He mutters, then bites down. This isn’t his first food dream, and it’s not the last time he’ll bite down on it.

His pillow tastes… Well, mostly like fabric. Surprisingly, the fabric actually feels kind of silky, even, smooth when he bites down upon it. “Ow,” his pillow says after a moment, in a relatively deep and Camus-san-like voice, mostly calm and relaxed, and it moves. Wait, his pillow doesn’t sound like Camus-san. Wait, his pillow doesn’t even  _ talk _ .

His eyes snap open and he jerks, sitting up. “Ca-Camus—?!” He yells, eyes wide. Laying next to him, very much a human and alive and not a really firm and sweet- and flowery-smelling new pillow that he didn’t remember getting. In a very much not his own bedroom, seeing how clean and kept it was and—

And then it hit him, and his stomach flipped painfully. As he curls into himself, Camus slowly sits up, yawning and rubbing at his eye. “So-Sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to bite you, I didn’t mean to wake you up, I just…” He starts, looking down. Camus rests a hand on his back and Otoya jumps a little, shivering. Cold…

“Don’t fret, Ittoki. It’s not the worst that could happen,” he assures, keeping his hand on the younger man’s back and rubbing over it lightly. Otoya sees the indent in Camus’s shirt, right over where he was bitten, a faint amount of spit left in the spot, and he feels his stomach weigh itself down at just the sight of it. Gah, how stupid of him to do… “Are you quite alright this morning?” He gently pulls Otoya into a side hug, resting his head on his shoulder.

“… Yeah,” he says, closing his eyes and relaxing. “Are you sure it’s alright, though? I bit pretty hard, I think…” He squeezes his eyes shut, holding his head in his hands, fingers tangled into his hair, face to his knees. Ugh, so stupid, he’s such an idiot…

“I’m quite fine, I can assure that,” he says, rubbing over Otoya’s back gently. “I promise, a simple bite like so is little to nothing to me.”

Otoya still feels regret deep in his stomach at that. With a quiet  _ Okay _ , he nods and closes his eyes. He’s… He’s so tired still, now that he’s actually awake. Barely anything’s happened and he feels like all his energy just got sucked out all at once, vacuumed up and pulled out of him completely. He feels totally turned inside out, yanked out and emptied and torn apart. He just feels totally sucked up, in and out, and up, down, everywhere, and he… He feels so sick.

“Do you need more rest?” Camus asks, his head gently put on top of Otoya’s. When Otoya whines and shakes his head, he quietly nods and rubs over his arms. “Would you simply like to sit here alongside of me?” That sounds… That sounds nice. At least for now. At least for now.

“… Please…” He whispers. He can’t make himself speak any amount louder, can’t even look up. He sees a mass of white fur come into his vision, and then in front of him sits a living pool noodle with a yarn blanket on its back. Oh, no, that’s a dog. Alexander.

He leans in, sniffing at Otoya’s face, then licks over his cheek, pushing a smile to his face. Either he’s licking him from the salt he had from crying the day before (technically that morning, but still), or he’s trying to comfort him.

“…  _ hic _ …” Otoya scared himself with a little hiccup, his nails pressing into his arms, and when he focuses on the knees of his pants again, he notices the wet patches left on them. He’s… He’s crying again, of course. He’s so pathetic like this. Ever since that day, he’s had so many days after that he’s only been overthinking, just been stressing and being a pain for others, but he can’t  _ stop _ . He’s been an awful friend, lying and pretending and refusing to let anyone else get closer to him, he’s just— He’s just—

“Ittoki.” He coughs and lifts his head, looking at Camus with watery eyes, and watches the way his expression softens at him. “… Do you need to have something in you? I don’t believe you’ve eaten for a while. Have you?” He opens his mouth to lie, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes, when he suddenly feels how his stomach growls loudly. Ugh… Not like he could fake it now or anything. Instead, he wraps his arms over his stomach, holding himself quietly.

“… I-I haven’t, no,” he mumbles. “I… I probab… Probably should…” Sudden dread overcomes him and he whines, curling up further. He can’t let Rei-chan see him like this again, he  _ can’t _ . He can’t fucking let him see him this bad again. He can’t let Ranmaru-senpai or Ai-senpai see. He… He just…

“How about I get you something to eat, then?” Camus offers, and Otoya looks up at him. His chest feels painful, seeing that miserable look on his face. Guilt.  _ So _ much guilt. “Will that be alright? I don’t wish you to become sick by not eating…”

“… O-Okay…” Otoya mumbles, rubbing at his eyes. “I… Aha, I feel like a boy being hidden in your room from your parents, or— Or something. You know tropes like that?” He asks, smiling a little. He’s cheering back up slowly.

Camus hums, carefully moving to get up as his hands unbutton his shirt. “I do, indeed,” he says, “but it is not exactly ‘hiding’ you. You're just not yet ready to leave, are you?” Otoya thinks on it, then rubs over his arms.

“I… A-Actually, I think I’m better,” he says.  _ Liar _ . “I should wash my face, though. I probably look a bit messy…”

Camus turns to face him and he can feel his heart in his throat as the platinum blond man’s eyes travel over him carefully. He lied so blatantly, so obviously. When Camus smiles at him and nods, he wants to thank every God he’s ever known. “Let me change into something else, and then we’ll go,” he says.

Otoya sighs softly, nerves escaping him. “O-Okay,” he says. “Want me to step out or turn or anything?”

“Ah, if you'd please,” Camus says, leaving his shirt only unbuttoned as he opens his dresser. “You don’t need to leave, but I would appreciate it if you turned.”

“I’ll… Actually, I’ll step out,” Otoya says, standing with shaky legs. Alexander lifted his head from his thigh, staring up at him intensely. He feels like he did wrong. A sudden guilt weighs his stomach down heavy. He lied, to the man offering to help him without any repayment. He feels sick, his mouth feels dry. But, nonetheless, he moves to stand outside the door.

Maybe that way, he won’t be found out lying.

* * *

Standing up and getting out of the room actually sort of helped Otoya relax. With a deep breath, he leans on the wall, then lifts his hands to fumble with the top button of the shirt.

Technically, he didn’t  _ need _ to. They were fit on perfectly fine. But he needed to do something,  _ anything _ , or else he was gonna explode. He had to be distracted, or he’s gonna start thinking back on how he lied to Camus, who was only trying to keep him safe, only trying to make sure he was alright, only trying to—

“Otoyan?!” He jumps, his head snapping up, and within seconds he was scooped up into a tight hug and spun around. “When on earth did you get here?”

“Ah! Rei-chan!” He says, smiling widely. “Oh, um, I came around midnight last night. It was a long day.”

Reiji gives him an understanding look and sets him on his feet, patting his hair. “Well, that explains why you’re in Myu-chan’s clothes, at least!” He says, taking his hand. “Are you gonna stay for a while? Not trying to kick you out, by the way! I just wanna know!”

Otoya nods, letting Reiji walk him along to the living room with a smile. “Yeah, at least a little longer,” he says. “Don’t think I’m ready to go back home just yet!” He then jumps. “Oh heck, gotta make sure Tokiya knows.” His hands pat all over himself. No phone… Did he leave it in Camus’s room?

“Well, at least let’s get some food in you! After a day like that, I bet you haven't had much to eat, huh?” Reiji looks back. He knows Otoya’s habits, how he doesn’t eat much during episodes like these. He smiles a little at his senior, a soft look.

“Yeah, I’d like that. What’re we gonna have?” He asks, following Reiji to the kitchen despite him being let go of, now that they’re in the main room. Large windows set into the wall let in sunlight, cold and dim from the light rain clouds overhead. Still raining…

“Hmm, I dunno!” He says, looking back at him then past him. “Why not ask Ran-Ran?”

Otoya blinks, then looks back over his shoulder to see Ranmaru—who looks like he’s still asleep on his feet, his hair down and his eyes closed—and Ai—who was very much awake and dressed in pyjamas that give him the idea that Natsuki bought them when they roomed together for a bit during the master course—stepping out. Ranmaru grumbles tiredly.

“Good morning, Otoya,” Ai says, watching him closely. Even though he, as everyone else in the agency, knows he’s an android, it’s still a shock to see him so awake in the morning. “What brings you here so early?”

“Oh, um,” he hesitates. Ai doesn't know what he does, and neither does Ranmaru. “I… Came around last night and stayed with Camus for a bit.” Ai raises an eyebrow, giving a questioning look. “Just had to get out of the house.” When Otoya gives him a big smile, he stares for a little longer before shrugging.

“If that’s what you say,” he says, moving to sit on the couch. Ranmaru rubs the heel of his hand against his eye, coming over to the kitchen area with the other two.

“Good morning, Ranmaru-senpai!” Otoya says brightly. He’s met with a tired grumble and a nod, showing Ranmaru was trying to be nice, even as exhausted as he is. He goes over to Reiji and leans against him, looking over his shoulder and resting his head on it. Humming, Otoya turns to carry himself over to the living room and sit down. Ai only looks up from his phone for a moment before going back to whatever he’s doing. He must be more tired than he shows…

Soon after, Camus is coming out, properly dressed—ah, a surprise, since everyone else is still in pyjamas—and makes his way to the kitchen, slipping past Reiji, now Ranmaru-less, as the rocker let go of him to sit down, and to the stove to begin preparing tea. “Good morning, Myu-chan!” Reiji calls as he cooks. Otoya absently realises he smells something meaty. “I heard you’re the one that caught the wild Otoyan at 12 today!” Otoya felt himself cringe slightly. He didn’t want to be the center of attention. Reiji’s words brought eyes from the two that are unaware of his state onto him, and he gave them a smile.  _ Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t stare. Don’t stare. _

“Yes, it was a surprise. I believe he was simply locked out of the house, because he near instantly fell asleep on me,” Camus says casually, sitting at one of the barstools as the water begins heating up. Ranmaru looks like he accepts it and he turns away, but Ai’s eyes narrow.

“Would he not call someone inside to unlock the door?” He criticises. Otoya’s so glad he turned away to look at Camus instead, or else he’s positive he’s start reading his heartbeat out then and there. “Or wouldn’t he use his own key? Surely all of STARISH have their own keys.”

Camus looks up at him, eyes cool. “His phone was dead, and I didn’t see any keys on him,” he says. Part of that was true, at least, he didn’t have his keys. “Besides, he was drop dead exhausted anyways. It took me ages to wake him again to get him to change into proper pyjamas, so he wouldn't be in wet clothing.”

That seems to satisfy Ai, who turns back to his game quietly. Camus stands to get a tea cup, moving past Reiji as he slid by with plates, smiling. “Ran-Ran, do you wanna cook next?”

“Mmh? Sure,” he says, sitting up properly and stretching. “I’ll do lunch, then.” Otoya smiles at his lap, listening to the silence of the room as Reiji cooks. It’s really, really calm…

Otoya shifts a little in his seat, pulling his legs up to his chest to rest his chin on them as Camus comes to sit by his side. He can’t really think of how to explain how he sits other than ‘fancy sitting,’ since it looks like the kind of sit that only super fancy people sit. Actually, now that he thinks… That sounds super stupid. Nevermind it all, that was stupid.

“He’ll be staying for a little bit, so I hope you two don’t mind!” Reiji says, making Otoya jump. Ah, right. Ranmaru gives a disinterested grunt, which he’s  _ very _ thankful for, but Ai’s eyes land upon him again for just a second. His heart freezes over at that gaze, and he’s almost positive Ai’s about to read him out before he goes back to his game.

“Okay.”

* * *

When the other four had to leave for work, a pit filled his stomach. None of STARISH had to go anywhere major, thankfully, not for a good few weeks or so. They’re pretty much in a free period, with minor things here and there individually at most. But now, he’s left totally alone in the house.

It’s the middle of the day, and with the windows all around, he’s got no reason to turn on the lights. As he steps through the building, Alexander is at his heels, following him and bumping against him. Bump, bump, bump. That bumping is the one thing keeping him in the moment, keeping him calm.

He texts Tokiya to let him know where he’s at—he also finds out Camus was called, so he knew, but he’s glad to hear from him that he’s safe—before he searches for… Something. He’s understimulated. Too understimulated. Not enough.  _ Not enough not enough not enough not enough not— _

Alexander barks and he lets out the most ragged gasp he’s ever let out in his life, jumping centimetres off the ground. “Ah!” He squeaks, turning to the borzoi. His tail wags low, a toy in his mouth. A… Rope, thick and colourful. The chews on the rubber part make it look like that’s what he normally plays with. Happily, he trots over, dropping it at Otoya’s feet. He wants to play… With him?

Otoya slowly breaks out in a smile, picking up the toy from the loop and dangling it in front of him. Alexander grabs on and tugs hard enough that Otoya legitimately almost falls, planting his foot flat on the ground and tugging. He’s strong! For a dog that’s trained to act polite and proper like his master, he’s shockingly powerful, jerking Otoya every whichaway. He laughs brightly, trying to keep ahold of it as he leans more to the ground to even the playing field.

Eventually, Alexander yanks it from him, and from how he’s crouched Otoya just falls on his butt, laughing and smiling. “Wow!” He laughs as Alexander proudly waves the toy around, then drops it in Otoya’s lap and sits with him. “You’re really strong, Alex!” He picks it up, pushing himself to his feet, and is given almost no time until Alexander is back to biting it and tugging him around. His feet slide on the floor as he’s tugged around, struggling with the toy. Jesus!

Otoya eventually has to let go, the rope burning his fingers, laying on the floor as Alexander trots over and pats his face with the toy. Laughing, he reaches up, scratching behind the borzoi’s ear as he says, “I can’t! You’re just too strong!” He whines, dropping the toy and nosing under his arm to sniff at him. “It burns my fingers, though!” Another whine. “I know, but I can’t!”

Carefully, Alexander licks at his palm and fingers, Otoya giggling quietly. “Ah, are you trying to help?” He asks, scratching behind his ears with his free hand. The sound of his tail thumping on the floor brings a smile to his face.

Where he’s laying is right in front of the sun, Alexander laying on him like a comfortable weight, his mind starts to slow down a little. His eyes start fluttering slowly, and before he knows it, he’s already started to doze off there on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this 1 was so cute!
> 
> time 2 kick him back down the stairs next chapter lmao


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Otoya noticed when he woke up was that he couldn’t move. His muscles twitched and flexed, but no matter how hard he tried willing them to swing, pull, even lift a finger, even just turn a  _ centimetre _ , he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t scream. He looked around the dark room, noting how much tinier it was, how it was shrinking, shrinking.

He was trapped, he had to be. He’s tied down and he’s left all alone again and he’s gonna be killed, isn’t he? He couldn’t be any less lucky. He squeezes his eyes closed, struggling more. He’s stuck, and alone. A sudden dread washes over him within seconds. If he opens his eyes, there’s undoubtedly going to be something there. Not someone, some _ thing _ , something large and capable of tearing into him and killing him. He can hear it breathing in the room. If he’s still, maybe he can trick his brain into not feeling the pain when it actually starts cutting into him, tearing him apart from the inside, pulling him out…

“ _ … No… _ ”

There’s a mumble across the room when Otoya finally finds his mouth able to move. Slowly opening his eyes, Otoya turns his head slowly, seeing nothing at the time being. He’s not stuck, he’s not trapped. His muscles feel heavy, though, and he feels like he’s swimming along in syrup or something. He doesn’t feel like he can move his legs, though,  _ legitimately _ move them. Slowly, he squints, narrowing his eyes in the dark room. The little amount of light left filtering through the curtains left him with barely any idea of what’s around him, but he can make out the shaggy outline of Alexander laying on his lower half and effectively trapping him. He sits up slowly, reaching out and resting a hand on the still-sleeping dog. He lets out a sigh at that. When he looks around the room, his breath stops.

Sitting in a chair on one side of the room was Reiji. Otoya didn’t even dare to breathe as he stared at the man. It took him a long second to relax, realising that the man was still asleep. Slowly, his body began to relax as he keeps his eyes on Reiji, eyes going over the man’s face. He’s asleep,  _ absolutely _ asleep, and Otoya is thankful for that fact. He shifts his legs, and Alexander huffs deeply. Don’t wake up, don’t be loud,  _ please _ …

He eventually gets his legs out from under the dog, pulling them close to his body. He’s still in the same clothes from that morning, the pyjamas Camus had lent him. His eyes scan the room for a clock, checking the time. The day’s gone by almost entirely, it’s already 7 in the evening… How did he do that? How  _ could _ he have done it? He takes a breath, then moves the blankets, getting to his feet.

The floor creaks underfoot and he winces at the sound, his eyes squeezing shut. Reiji stirs a little again and he swallows hard, his hands balling up against his legs. No, no, don’t wake up, please don’t wake up,  _ please _ don’t wake up…

When Reiji settles back down, falling silent, Otoya whispers  _ thank you _ quietly, his whole body shivering as he lets himself relax. He picks his way through the room carefully, trying not to make too much noise as he passes through. He needs  _ out. _ He swears to god he’s gonna suffocate in this room if he stays in any longer.

“Mmgh…” Otoya freezes again, hearing Reiji stir. His heart is racing and he feels terrified. He promised him he wouldn’t do anything drastic again, not after last time, when he’d left to find Reiji before… He shakes his head, his teeth wearing at his lip as he bites back his tears, turning to Reiji’s body as he slowly sits up.

“Oto…yan?” Reiji yawns. He’s awake. Of course, it’s just Otoya’s luck. When he’s just about to be free, he just has to wake up. Skilled as ever, a forced smile makes its way to his face as he turns. His eyes aren’t even fully opened yet, much less focused on anything.

“What’s up, Rei-chan?” He asks, his voice bright. “Did I wake you or anything?”

“Mm, I thought you said something earlier,” Reiji grumbles, rubbing at his eyes. “Did you sleep okay? We found you passed out on the floor in the living room! I thought Myu-chan was gonna have a fit!” He’s angry. Of course he’s angry, of course. He has to be. He bites the inside of his cheek, staring for a few seconds.

“W… Well, I just… Fell asleep! It was super unintentional.” He laughs a little, shrugging. He’s tense, so tense, the stress of the situation weighing down on him. Thank god Reiji takes forever to wake up, he’s not ready for any confrontation about this whole thing. “Guess I should go apologise to him, huh?”

Reiji laughs as well, rubbing at his eyes with one hand. “I’ve never seen Myu-chan that scared. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, even!” Scared? He was scared?

Otoya finds himself going still and silent, staring at the door quietly before he turns, looking at Reiji in there. He never meant to scare him. Suddenly, Otoya is hyper aware of the entire room again, every little noise, every little item, every single thing inside. Reiji’s starting to get up, stretching and wobbling a little on his feet. It’s clear he’s still waking up. “He asked me to stick around and keep an eye on you, just to make sure you wake up. Good thing ya did, huh?” He makes his way over to Otoya, patting his shoulder as he passes by. “I’ll go find him, let ‘im know you’re up!” Otoya doesn’t even respond, letting him go. His eyes land on Alexander, whose head is lifted and eyes are trained on him. His ears perk up and his tail starts wagging as Otoya looks at him, his mouth falling open into a grin as he watches the man. He barks, and Otoya’s eyes soften a little.

“You know a little more about things than the others do, don’t you?” He mumbles, coming over and kneeling with him. Alexander just pants happily, leaning into his hand as he scratches behind his ear, his tail wagging happily as he’s pet by the redhead. “You’ve been sticking around me a lot more… Camus always talks about how you never get too close or comfortable with others, not like this. You know more than what anyone else might, don’t you?” Of course, he doesn’t respond. He can’t exactly do such, without a proper way to speak. Nonetheless, Otoya crouches down and talks to him, feeling himself relax as time goes on. “Good boy, good boy…”

The door to the bedroom is opened, the light in the hall partially blocked by a figure in the doorframe, and when Otoya looks up he finds Camus sighing in relief. “You’re safe,” was his first comment, and when he holds out a hand, Otoya takes it, standing up. “Good, good, you… You’re safe. Good.”

“I’m… I’m sorry,” the redhead man manages out, and he finds his throat tight with fear of punishment. Camus was a ruthless man most times, and that fear just runs right through him. “I didn’t — I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I real— I seriously didn’t mean to, I just…”

He finds himself brought into a hug, his face pressed against Camus’s chest. He’s cool to the touch, like a glass of soda, and he smells as sweet as he ever does. “It’s alright, Ittoki,” the man murmurs, rubbing over his back. “So long as you’re alright, I don’t mind. How are you feeling now?” As Camus finally pulls back, he rests a hand on Otoya’s cheek.

It  _ breaks _ him.

Suddenly, tears spring to Otoya’s eyes and he sucks in a breath shakily, gripping his shirt. He doesn’t know  _ why _ he’s crying. He was just so scared of Camus shouting at him, scolding him, anything, that he instantly assumed the worst of the man. Why would he assume so badly of him? He didn’t do anything wrong, anyways. He sobs, leaning into his arms and letting himself be held, be rocked slowly, Camus rubbing comforting circles over his back as he weeps. He doesn’t  _ understand _ , but between the relief of the man’s kindness and the feeling of cruelty and stupidity for assuming the worst, he feels everything is just  _ too much _ .

Once he settles down, Camus weaving his fingers through his hair slowly, he finally speaks up. “Thank you,” he whispers, his voice weak from the crying. “I’m sorry for… For crying on you. A—Again.” Camus shakes his head, running a hand through his hair slowly, and Otoya whines as he looks up.

“It’s not an issue, I assure you,” he says softly, wiping Otoya’s face with one hand. He has to resist the urge to rub his face back into Camus and get his shirt any more gross with his tears. Thankfully it wasn’t a really bad cry, he’d feel  _ horrible _ getting snot or anything else on him. Instead, he pulls back, sniffing and rubbing at his other eye. Alexander bumps into his leg, his tail whipping to hit the backs of his knees, and Otoya’s other hand rubs over his ears. “How do you feel now? Do you feel any better?”

He nods, composing himself and fixing his shirt. He feels weak and tired again, but he knows he shouldn’t sleep. “Y—Yeah, I… I do, yeah. Your bed is comfortable,” he says, tugging the front of his shirt down as he settles back down. Back to steady, back to calm. “It… It’s really big, too. And super soft, and you sink into it a lot…” Why’s he going on about Camus’s bed? That’s so ridiculous of him. Before he can continue, Camus rests a hand on his shoulder, bringing him back.

“I assume you’ve not had food just yet, have you?” Camus asks, and Otoya pauses, nodding. “Then, we should get you something to eat. I’m glad you woke at this time, it’s good that you have.” Slowly, the two leave his room, Otoya gradually coming to lift his head from the floor more, his smile returning almost naturally. It’ll help keep anyone that spots them from questioning the two.

Thankfully, the only other person there is Reiji, dragging some food from the microwave and carrying it to sit. Passing the two, he smiles and waves at Otoya wordlessly, earning a smile back, and he leaves the two to search the fridge together without another issue.

* * *

Getting dinner and returning to bed wasn’t that long, but Otoya stayed up a while longer, long after everyone else fell asleep. It wasn’t unusual for him to stay up, anyways; he usually does such even at home. Though, it looks like Alexander chose to hang around with him this time, instead of being in Camus’s room for the night as always.

Otoya lays on the couch, his arm dangling to stroke over Alexander’s fur. He tried encouraging him to hop up and join him on the couch, but it looks like he’s got no intentions to. Gradually, he starts to drift to sleep, one hand rested on the dog still as he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HRUGH. i have finally regained the necessary emotions (motivation, excitement, will, etc) to write. but 4 how long..........


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